Kane says the narcissist's need to control others has roots in one of their biggest fears: abandonment.
That's why they'll do their best to make you think any problems in the relationship are your fault and that you see them as blameless.
“Even though you feel special, you realize they don’t even really know you.
Real intimacy requires a lot of sharing and listening, and you might walk away feeling really tired and drained and realize they mostly just talk about themselves.”It may seem as if narcissists are so full of themselves that they don’t need anyone reminding them how great they are, but that’s exactly what they need.
The first, called “admiration,” is a person’s desire to be liked.
Comments seem designed to undermine, and the confidence that was once so attractive starts to seem just a little more like boasting.
If that sounds familiar, the chances are you’ve fallen for a particular kind of narcissist.
There are many ways this can show up in your relationship, but even something as simple as them showing up late all the time and never apologizing or thinking about how their lateness affects you is a red flag. Narcissists believe themselves to be "special" and unique, and by extension believe they can only be appreciated by other "special" people.
If they're dating you, don't be surprised by comments such as, "Wow, no one else has ever understood me like you do" or "You are so different from everyone I've ever met" — even if you've started dating.